Him & Me: Little Perfections

When I was single (about six months ago. I'd been single for like four straight years), i would envy people who were in a relationship especially my friends. I wasn’t jealous but i was envious. I strongly wanted to be in their shoes. I wanted a boyfriend. But not for the sake of having a boyfriend. I knew I did not want somebody like my ex. I wanted to find the love of my life. I never really had a bigger dream than that. My dream was never to have a family or go on a vacation or stuff. But to just find the love of my life. The one person who would love me and I would love him back.

The one person that i believed everyone should have in their life.

 

I always wished for that person. I know i had wished for him since i was a pre-teen. I believed no matter what happens in life, you will meet one person, meeting whom will be a compensation for all the bad things in your life; for all the times you’d cried. That the wait will be worthwhile.

 

And then i found KJ, my boyfriend. What i share with him is what i could only dare to imagine or only daydream. I couldn’t dare to wish or pray for it. But yes, i hoped for it.

 

I had always wished for somebody who would hold my hand in public; who’d meet my friends; who’d let his friends know that he is in a relationship; who’d know my dreams, my fears, my anxieties; with whom i could go watch a movie; go out for lunch; talk for hours.

 

From where i see our relationship, it seems perfect to me in its own simple way.

 

Also, i think we all want to flaunt our romantic relationship or if not flaunt, at least talk about it. I wanted to do that so much and especially because my ex hid our relationship from people. I wanted to scream; to let people know that i’m in a relationship. But then slowly i realized it’s just not worth it. If a guy does not want to acknowledge that you are a part of his life, then... well, you know how to let yourself out the door.

 

Now, with KJ, i don’t feel the ‘need’ to flaunt or talk about it. I don’t ‘talk’ about our relationship to my friends or sister. And not because i’m ashamed or not enough in love to talk about him. KJ and i are in love and my friends know that. My friends and my sister have met him and like him a lot. I don’t feel the ‘need’ (desperate need) to let my loved ones know that somebody is in a relationship with me. I do talk about KJ but not in a desperate, lonely girlfriend. But just as a normal and important part of my life, which he is, which my friends and sister know.

 

The reason i write about KJ and i here is because i’m invisible here. Because i’m happy. Because i never thought i could be mature in love. Because i never thought i’d find someone like KJ. I never thought he’d want somebody like me. I’d never thought i’d finally get to have what i used to be envious of. I’d never thought i’d get what my friends used to have. And honestly, i know it’s a million times better.

 

Sometimes the reason i don’t talk about me and KJ is because nobody would understand, because for everybody else we’re just another couple. But maybe because true love always gets reflected off our faces, people get to know how much right our relationship feels.

 

And yesterday, somebody who means a lot to me said “sometimes i’m jealous of you and KJ.”

 

I felt bad that their relationship wasn’t working out well. But when it came to me and KJ, i felt a subtle happiness. It seemed all my dreams came true. That KJ and i are the perfect couple. We have so much in common but then we have an age difference and we belong to different religious communities, but somehow we’re perfect.

 

I felt so blissful. Like my dream had come true. I bet when i tell KJ about this, he’d be so happy because this was his dream too. He had waited for the right one longer than I have.