Somebody I know

For some time now, i’ve been sensing a fall of a relationship near me. Somebody very important is either going through a bad phase in her relationship or has ended her relationship. I usually see her being so cold whenever she talks to her boyfriend (or is it ex-boyfriend now?) over the phone. I’m sure she is hurt. She’s so cold too, a bit too much rude, it seems. She doesn’t seem happy in the relationship. I don’t know about the guy.

This person and i are not on talking terms lately so i don’t know what status their relationship is at.

But i always felt that they rushed into it; talked about marriage too soon, and had sex too soon. It did not seem right to me. But then it felt right to them so who am i to judge. But whenever i saw them together, though it seemed they were in love but i don’t know something did not seem right. Like they thought they were in love but they should have given each other more time, and got to know each other more before confessing their ‘love’ for each other. I thought they should have surely dated but given love some time.

It seemed like they wanted to find ‘the one’ and they found someone they liked so they hurried.
I feel bad. Because this person is very important in my life. I wish for her to find true love and get over every heartbreak as soon as she can, and feel less pain. I wish her to be happy and find true love. I wish that she doesn’t give up on love but also doesn’t rush into it. I wish for her to truly, genuinely find happiness.

Best Friend Vs Boyfriend

For about three months now, i’ve been feeling that my best friend is uneasy about my relationship with my boyfriend. Not that she doesn’t like my boyfriend, but she misses being in a relationship herself.

 

I remember the time when i was single and two of my best friends were in long-term relationships. I wasn’t jealous but yes, i envied them. I wanted a boyfriend and not just a boyfriend but the one i had been waiting for since i was a teenager. And now that i’ve found him, this best friend of mine is drifting away from me.

 

Earlier, she said i wasn’t spending enough time with her but then i also felt that she hated being single and that’s why I being with KJ bothered her.

 

I understand how it feels to be single when your best friend is in a relationship. A few years ago, she was in a relationship and i was single. Now, it’s the other way round. And this relationship i have with KJ is not just another boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. It’s the right one. And it seems perfect so there are rarely any fights that we have that do not end in that moment or in that phone conversation. There is nothing that needs to be shared with my friends as such.

 

I always imagined how perfect it would feel when you’d meet the love of your life and then introduce him to your best friends. And your best friends would understand how important he is to you because he is what you’d been waiting for all your life. Though all my best girls have met my boyfriend and like him, but something just feels off about this one best friend.

 

This best friend of mine is somebody who likes to be in a relationship and that is what she is missing right now. And that is why she is drifting away from me because i have something she doesn’t. I feel bad that she feels that way. I feel bad when she doesn’t talk about this to me.

Him & Me: Little Perfections

When I was single (about six months ago. I'd been single for like four straight years), i would envy people who were in a relationship especially my friends. I wasn’t jealous but i was envious. I strongly wanted to be in their shoes. I wanted a boyfriend. But not for the sake of having a boyfriend. I knew I did not want somebody like my ex. I wanted to find the love of my life. I never really had a bigger dream than that. My dream was never to have a family or go on a vacation or stuff. But to just find the love of my life. The one person who would love me and I would love him back.

The one person that i believed everyone should have in their life.

 

I always wished for that person. I know i had wished for him since i was a pre-teen. I believed no matter what happens in life, you will meet one person, meeting whom will be a compensation for all the bad things in your life; for all the times you’d cried. That the wait will be worthwhile.

 

And then i found KJ, my boyfriend. What i share with him is what i could only dare to imagine or only daydream. I couldn’t dare to wish or pray for it. But yes, i hoped for it.

 

I had always wished for somebody who would hold my hand in public; who’d meet my friends; who’d let his friends know that he is in a relationship; who’d know my dreams, my fears, my anxieties; with whom i could go watch a movie; go out for lunch; talk for hours.

 

From where i see our relationship, it seems perfect to me in its own simple way.

 

Also, i think we all want to flaunt our romantic relationship or if not flaunt, at least talk about it. I wanted to do that so much and especially because my ex hid our relationship from people. I wanted to scream; to let people know that i’m in a relationship. But then slowly i realized it’s just not worth it. If a guy does not want to acknowledge that you are a part of his life, then... well, you know how to let yourself out the door.

 

Now, with KJ, i don’t feel the ‘need’ to flaunt or talk about it. I don’t ‘talk’ about our relationship to my friends or sister. And not because i’m ashamed or not enough in love to talk about him. KJ and i are in love and my friends know that. My friends and my sister have met him and like him a lot. I don’t feel the ‘need’ (desperate need) to let my loved ones know that somebody is in a relationship with me. I do talk about KJ but not in a desperate, lonely girlfriend. But just as a normal and important part of my life, which he is, which my friends and sister know.

 

The reason i write about KJ and i here is because i’m invisible here. Because i’m happy. Because i never thought i could be mature in love. Because i never thought i’d find someone like KJ. I never thought he’d want somebody like me. I’d never thought i’d finally get to have what i used to be envious of. I’d never thought i’d get what my friends used to have. And honestly, i know it’s a million times better.

 

Sometimes the reason i don’t talk about me and KJ is because nobody would understand, because for everybody else we’re just another couple. But maybe because true love always gets reflected off our faces, people get to know how much right our relationship feels.

 

And yesterday, somebody who means a lot to me said “sometimes i’m jealous of you and KJ.”

 

I felt bad that their relationship wasn’t working out well. But when it came to me and KJ, i felt a subtle happiness. It seemed all my dreams came true. That KJ and i are the perfect couple. We have so much in common but then we have an age difference and we belong to different religious communities, but somehow we’re perfect.

 

I felt so blissful. Like my dream had come true. I bet when i tell KJ about this, he’d be so happy because this was his dream too. He had waited for the right one longer than I have.

Him & Me

How much time we waste wondering how to kiss someone, which side to tilt your head so that you don’t bump your noses; how much time we waste imaging the awkwardness of taking your clothes off in front of someone.

 

Yesterday I realized that when it happens with the right guy, everything is perfect. My boyfriend KJ and I got to spend time in an apartment together for the first time since we’ve been together. We did not have sex. We are waiting for the right time. But we were close, holding each other, kissing each other. It was the first time I bared my body in front of a guy. Not just any guy but the one who loves me the most in the world, the one I love.

 

We were so real. Like we were no longer two different people but one. Body to body. Soul to soul.

 

Yesterday I thought that there are no two people in the world who could be as comfortable and as real with each other, and love each other the way KJ and I did. Today I still think the same. Love is an awesome thing. It makes every moment perfect. Initimacy between two people in love is so beautiful. Every other person and thing takes a back seat from then on. Love seems to be the most important thing in this world. Love seems to be the one thing worth fighting for.

 

PS: Dear Ex, you did not know how to treat a girl. Thank god, I said no when you tried to ‘force’ yourself upon me. Thank god, you’re my ex.

I’m Socializing!

Yesterday I went to a party. And if you knew me you’d know that I’m not one of those going-to-party kinda people. I’m one of those who always come up with an excuse to not going. I’m one of those who prefer spending their weekends watching TV in their pajamas.

But yesterday was different. Somebody I know from college threw a party to celebrate her birthday. She and I take one common class this semester. But I’ve known her for about a year now since I enjoyed college. She is one of those people who are well-mannered; beautiful; funny; have a terrific dressing style; responsible; concerned; happy with life; positive about life; and somebody you would have a crush on if you were a guy. She is one of those rare gems of a people who are loved by everyone; who do not wish ill for others; who do not back-bite; and though have their own set of friends but get along with almost everyone. She is what I once used to wish I were. She is somebody I really like on campus.

However, I’m one of those people for whom the term ‘Friend’ is to be used very wisely. In other words, I can be friendly with all people but I cannot be friends with all. So ‘friends’ is a term I reserve only for my friends.

However, lately I have realized that life should be a little crowded. A happy-laughing-cracking jokes-cheerful-inspiring-kinda crowd.

Lately I’ve realized that it is actually fun and emotionally satisfying to have a group of people other than your friends; a group of people you see everyday, work with, or go to class with. I’ve realized that there are people in my class with whom I feel a certain kind of connection even though they are not my friends. They seem to be like well-wishers. There is a certain kind of concern I have for them and they have for me. Though it’s not the same for each one of them but then there is no denying there is a connection. You just end up liking some people. And with some people, it’s sort of emotional. Though there is no friendship involved, though they are not really friends, but people who lie somewhere between acquaintances and friends.

I have found a few people like that in life. And I’m actually happy with what I’ve found.

A few of those people are in my post-grad class; a few of them are my boyfriend’s closest friends; and a few are those who were my co-interns when I interned with a national daily a few years ago. I never thought I was actually capable of hanging out and having fun with people other than my friends. I never knew I was capable of socializing.

Life seems sort of good when there are so many people in it. It seems ever lasting.