A Better Me!

I'm somebody who gets sad and feels like crying when i'm not done with my syllabus for my exams.

I'm somebody who shares with my friends and boyfriend about how people in my life irritate me.

I'm somebody who doesn't hang out or socialize much.

I'm somebody who whines a little. Sometimes, a lot.

I'm somebody who gets angry and then keeps that anger within me. Thus, making myself feel all negative and crappy.

So this winter, it is time for a NEW me, a BETTER me.
 

 

I won't change my values because they are the goodness in me but what i need to change is the way i carry my life. It's become boring. Static. Nothing's happening. No hobbies.

So here's my list for this winter. A list for an interesting winter life.

1. Find a hobby.
2. Smile. Be a good company.
3. Be confident. Shoulders-back-chin-up-kinda confident.
4. Expand that tiny pocket in my jeans. Earn a little more this winter.
5. Be more polite to people. Don't forget to say those amazing words- 'Thank You' and 'Please'.
6. Study well.
7. Read a lot of books.
8. Do not be a whiny girl.
9. Avoid arguments. In case i can't, then i'll try to argue sensibly.
10. Act more like an adult. Because i guess that's what i'm.
     

Don't Know

Don't know how my exams would go.

 

Don't know how my birthday would go.

 

Don't know how i'd introduce my boyfriend to my parents.

 

Don't know how'd they'll react.

 

Don't know what his family would say.

 

Not that any of these are happening any time soon except for the exam thing, which starts in the first week of December.

Why you gotta be so mean?

Today i wore this yellow top to the University. It is one of my favourite autumn tops, and the best part about it is that it is long, it has a hood, and it is not gloomy. It is yellowish-orangish kinda colour so it is fresh. Not too bright. But just the right amount of freshness one needs in the Autumn Season.

 

While i was on my way to the university, i saw a group of three girls in their late teens on the subway. Now, being mean teenagers that they were, one of them uttered “Yellow! Yellow! Dirty Fellow!”

Source

 

I had my earphones on as i was listening to music so even though i heard what she said, i completely ignored. Though in my mind I cursed that teen b**** and displayed my middle finger a million times. But yes, all of this in my mind. I did not make it obvious to her that i had heard what she had said. She kept chatting with her friends. And every now and then, the girls kept looking at me. As if juding my style and sense of dressing.

 

I watched those girls for a while. Two of them were fat, and the other seemed like one of those teen-mean-queens. I’m not among the people who judge other people on the basis of some physical trait. I would always judge a person on the basis of their behaviour and their intentions. So i studied them for a while. And i told myself that the reason why people are mean to other people in the most extreme or in the slightest way is because they are not happy with themselves; or they think that either their bodies, or their spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends/ or their jobs have disappointed them. So being mean is a way to vent out your disappointment and anger.

 

Every time girls are mean to me about the way i look or the way i dress, i believe that it is because they are not happy with themselves. They are sad souls putting on a plastic lipgloss smile, trying to find love in their not-into-them-boyfriends. Or they do not have any love in their lives, or they are worried that they are incapable for a job, or they do not have true friends.

 

So according to them, i might be a tacky dresser, but in my opinion, they are among the unhappy people in the world. God bless them.

I'm Miss Invisible

“Take a look at the life of Miss Always Invisbile

  Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible...”

                                                                                  -         A song by Marie Digby

 

At college, I’m not exactly invisible. To sound the least of a narcissist, I would say I’m sort of among the popular ones there. Popular with the teachers as well. Although it was a different picture back in middle and high school. Back then I had wanted to grow up as soon I could have and become popular. However, now that I’m ‘popular’, I want to hide a little.

I want to be another face in the crowd for a while. Not that I want to run away from my responsibilities but just that I want to have a space where my face and my voice would not be recognized by my acquaintances, friends and family. A space where I could have a different face and voice. Just a little piece of mind and some peace along the way.

Hence, this blog. A place where I could vent my anger and frustration, for starters.